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hrhrionastar) wrote2011-01-06 04:07 pm
Drabble: The Lady Doth Protest Too Much
Title: The Lady Doth Protest Too Much
Pairing: Rahl/Cara
Length: 481
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: basically everything
Summary: Cara thinks about everything she doesn't miss about Darken Rahl. Set mid-Season 2.
The Lady Doth Protest Too Much
I don’t miss you.
I don’t feel guilty for my part in sending you to the Underworld. I don’t wonder why you never told me you served the Keeper.
I don’t wish I’d had the courage to ask you about your apparent obsession with the Mother Confessor (whom I don’t envy, by the way, for how the men I love fall at her feet). I don’t wonder if you ever cared for my son as much as hers—that monster who ruled in the future. I don’t question your loyalty.
I don’t care who you marry, who you name as your heir…
I don’t doubt my choice to help Richard, knowing it led to your death. I don’t think the nightmare future would have been different if I were still there at your side.
I don’t think about you in the middle of the night, when the others are asleep. I don’t remember how your fingers felt against my skin, or the night you first made me your favorite, or how gentle you were while I was pregnant…
I don’t ever regret giving the Keeper the chance to destroy the whole world, and everything I’ve ever held dear (my son, Richard, Kahlan, Zedd, my sister…) I don’t compare Richard to you and find him wanting in common sense.
I don’t think about our fights, our sparring…how you made me feel alive. I don’t remember when you gave me the Breath of Life, or when I used it to revive Denna after I killed her in our first real match…
I don’t long for you, for the sweet simplicity of your commands—I don’t give you credit for my strength, when I never used to doubt myself. And I don’t blame you for that false confidence, either. Your eyes aren’t a mirror I wish I could see myself in, again.
I don’t think you could have done all this much faster, saved the world without pausing to rescue kittens in trees…
I don’t imagine being your favorite, your first, your Queen…I don’t wish you’d made my son your heir, don’t wonder what it would have been like, raising a real family with you…
I don’t hate you for abandoning me, here and in the future. For telling Triana to kill me. For leaving me with no choice, then or now—survival before dignity, survival before love.
I don’t hate you for choosing the Mother Confessor over me, for plotting to destroy Richard, for wasting my talents until it was too late…
“Cara? What are you thinking about?” Richard asks brightly.
I don’t miss you. I don’t love you. I never think about you. “Nothing,” I say calmly.
You never got under my skin, you never got into my heart…you never broke me.
You are nothing to me, Darken Rahl.
Liar.
Was that your thought, or mine?
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Around that point I began to suspect Cara was lying to herself, so the ending felt right.
A friend once discussed with me his theories about Avril Lavigne's "Skater Boi" that fits here; for all that Avril as narrator scoffs that the boy is hers now, she seems rather obsessed with this other woman from her lover's past and maybe the boy still is too; maybe this isn't "where the story ends".
When someone insists over and over they aren't thinking of the past, of someone in particular, they clearly are!
First time I think I've seen you use first person POV and it works really well here.
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Anyway, it's a theory :)
First time I think I've seen you use first person POV and it works really well here. Thank you!!
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Such a poignant, and sometimes humorous, glimpse into Cara's thoughts about her past with Darken.
I have always thought Cara was a little too emphatic in her total rejection of him in Season 2. There was obviously chemistry between them. You could see it in "Reckoning" and "Hunger". The path Cara chose was the right one for her, but it's sad that she will never be able to share her ambivalence with anyone - Richard, Cara and Zedd would never understand. (Although I think Richard would try).
One of the things I would have loved to see in "Extinction" was a quiet moment between Cara and Darken, maybe in the dark, by the fire, to talk. Darken probably would have botched it with self-protective sarcasm, but it would have been nice to see them have that chance.
You always come up with such great ideas.
Hope you will post at PP.
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The path Cara chose was the right one for her, but it's sad that she will never be able to share her ambivalence with anyone - Richard, Kahlan and Zedd would never understand. (Although I think Richard would try). I agree--it seems too much to expect that she would never have any regret, even though she made the right choice (what's her other option? Letting Nicholas destroy the world? Reality-jumping with Richard for several more iterations?). And Richard would try to understand--one of the things I actually really like about him. But it would be all awkward for Cara, and she probably doesn't want to give Kahlan and Zedd more ammunition not to trust her.
One of the things I would have loved to see in "Extinction" was a quiet moment between Cara and Darken, maybe in the dark, by the fire, to talk. Darken probably would have botched it with self-protective sarcasm, but it would have been nice to see them have that chance. Sort of like Pris's fic, 'The Darkness Rose from the Deep'? I agree, it seems strange that they don't talk at all in "Extinction."
You always come up with such great ideas. Thank you! That means a lot :D
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